So much of the literature I read about sex and becoming a confident sexual being (versus a dickless man-child) says that confidence comes from the "inside", that it is self-developed and honed by some kind of process, that in my mind seems to be comparable to virgin birthing. But in reality, they say it's all about instilling the belief in oneself at all costs, and believing that there is no reason to do otherwise.
On the other hand, my therapist tells me I'll only really become confident when I achieve my goals. She says there isn't much I can do in the way of feeling sexually confident until I get laid. All I can do is learn to feel better about who I am, eliminate the self-doubt, and that's basically it.
I'm writing this because I'm at a stalemate. Approaching women hasn't helped.Actually, my therapisttold me to stop talking to strange women in coffee shops because the constant failures are making me unhappy.
Not sure what to do here...
I've read the PUA-books, practiced, even went out alone a few times. I just can't seem to hack this whole sex thing. Women don't seem to get any spark from being around me. Is it looks? Am I boring?
Just hang out with women on the basis of them being people and when you meet someone interesting express your feelings simply and spontaneously eg 'I like you.' don't look for anything in particular in return. If the person it attracted to you then matters will take care of themselves.
Forget about the PUA thing. If you're that desperate to get laid, then just hire a hooker. But if you want to have any kind of relationship, then there's no point in trying to force it. The confidence you're talking about above is not confidence that you can get laid at the drop of a hat, but the confidence to go about and do things without obsessing over the question of whether you're going to get laid on any given night.