I relate to a lot of this. I used to have similar traits.
Then I bought a bar--a little neighborhood bar, where it's slow--and worked behind the bar for two years.
It fixed me. Now I feel relaxed just to be me.
I don't think everyone can spend two years behind a bar, but maybe there's something similar you can do. For me it was just lots of forced interaction with all levels of acquaintance, for hours per day, until I became good at social interaction and began to relax.
+1 to this. I moved to Manchester a couple of years after uni to help the startup I was working for expand into the UK market. I spent the first year either at my day job or in my room wondering how to make friends. One day I walked past a tiny Aussie bar that had recently opened in Chorlton and impulsively walked in and asked for a job. The world opened up to me while working behind that bar. I became friends with so many wonderful people I never would have met if I hadn't taken that single step. At first I was petrified talking to customers but gradually the fear wore off and I was all of a sudden wheeling people out of that place in wheelie bins and organising lock ins with half the clientele.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realise that bar job was the difference between having the time of my life and wasting my entire two years worth of social life. Maybe it was the Manchester vibe but people just seemed to want a bartender in their life.
Then I bought a bar--a little neighborhood bar, where it's slow--and worked behind the bar for two years.
It fixed me. Now I feel relaxed just to be me.
I don't think everyone can spend two years behind a bar, but maybe there's something similar you can do. For me it was just lots of forced interaction with all levels of acquaintance, for hours per day, until I became good at social interaction and began to relax.