And while the Apple Watch is objectively better value, it's destined to be e-waste after a couple of years. Mechanical watches last far, far longer.

A smartwatch isn't an app either. They are both platforms that support features to be built on top of them.

Yes but again we are taking about wristwatches, not smartwatches or apps. The features/complications on smartwatches and in apps are different than the complications on wristwatches.

A smartwatch goes on your wrist.