Are you OK with being on a team where one of your teammates feels stressed out, defensive, and alienated because of comments being made by another member of your team? Would you be OK with it if the comments were about their personal appearance? Their hair? The quality of their clothing? Their accent? Lots of funny jokes to be had about accents! Are you OK with any of this?
No? I didn't think so. Me neither. So what are you really arguing about here?
She pointed out a lot of sexist bullshit she had to deal with. The low-cut-dress thing was just one of them. Are you now a little more alert to the fact that what you might have thought was an innocuous joke actually made a teammate feel like they have a target on their back? I am! I thought to myself, "wow, I can imagine people I've worked with in the past who would say something like that; holy shit, I might have even laughed!". Maybe you too? Then she did you a favor by speaking up.
It'd be good if people would stop expecting the Magna Carta from posts like this.
What I meant is this: she quit programming because she was in sucking programming jobs. She should have looked for a non-sucking programming job. This is not so much different from what most men in programming jobs experience - being in a job that sucks, and actively having to look for a better one.
Edit: maybe I can't relate because my tendency is to quit if I find myself in a job that I don't like. This has happened to me a lot of times already. Perhaps others are more in a "heck, I'll change this place to suit me" frame of mind. I never understood that notion, or perhaps I am just too pessimistic about the ability of "places" to change. I reckon if you don't like how company x operates, find a better job or start your own company so that YOU can define the rules.
That's not so different from what most men in programming jobs experience
Tell me, when was the last time someone sat next to you because "you were wearing tight trousers and they hoped they could see your junk"? How many men do you think experience that at work? Would you be OK with them telling you to lighten up if you took exception to it?
I am sorry that she has to be a woman (which is not even true strictly speaking, sex changes are possible). What I meant is that these problems are probably independent from the job. By ascribing the problems to "being a woman", she misses the thought that she could switch to a job where people don't treat her like that.
Nobody wants to see men's junk, but there are enough other ways that jobs can suck for men and women alike.
Your comment assumes there is a ready supply of programming jobs that do not suck in this way. I think the point people are trying to make is that there isn't.
No I don't assume that, I actually said most programming jobs suck. But the point is: either there are programming jobs that don't suck, then she could switch, or there aren't programming jobs that don't suck, then leaving programming might be the right idea.
No? I didn't think so. Me neither. So what are you really arguing about here?
She pointed out a lot of sexist bullshit she had to deal with. The low-cut-dress thing was just one of them. Are you now a little more alert to the fact that what you might have thought was an innocuous joke actually made a teammate feel like they have a target on their back? I am! I thought to myself, "wow, I can imagine people I've worked with in the past who would say something like that; holy shit, I might have even laughed!". Maybe you too? Then she did you a favor by speaking up.
It'd be good if people would stop expecting the Magna Carta from posts like this.