"smart enough"...after reading a lot of your replies, I get the sense this is biggest blocker. It seems you run a startup, so your looking for equal to that? Do you realize how rare that is?
If I'm right about running a startup, or something of that nature of leadership, you may want to consider looking for someone that's funny and interesting, rather than smart. If you look at your male counterparts who have found marriage success, I bet you will find plenty of un-equall 'intelligence', measured by their achievements anyway. But this doesn't make them bad partners, often it makes even better actually.
It's not too often you find doctor couples, that's all I'm saying.
Since she had no father, I suggest the Mr.Right must be somebody not only husband but also the father, irrespective of his age, i.e.must be the image of father the little girl has - the smartest man on the earth, the strongest man on the earth, etc etc....
If you made such a comment on a date, I'd get up and walk out without saying another word to you. To be quite honest, you do come across as somewhat naive / self-centered to the extent where I need to ask if you've ever been in a serious long-term relationship. That, combined with the sense that you're approaching this from an achievement point-of-view, makes me think that you're in for a rough time. Relationships are complicated and kids even more so. Being a good parent is not something that can be taken for granted, it takes a lot of time and a lot of energy.
By the way, you can't tick the "working on yourself" box by doing "therapy, support groups, meditation, dating coaching, yoga and hypnotism". These are just activities, and I'd say at least equally prone to make you a worse person as to improve you. The best way to work on yourself is to be in a healthy, dynamic relationship with someone that doesn't think you're insufferable. The compromises and attitude adjustments you'll have to make to keep the relationship going are invaluable learning (and humbling) experiences that no book or yoga teacher will ever teach you. And this is my advice to you, someone who's in his early 50s, divorced, happily remarried with kids from both marriages.
It seems to me you're trying to dive before learning to swim. I would forget kids for the next 1-3 years, and focus on finding someone to be in a deep relationship with. Even if that doesn't work out, you'll be a lot better off afterwards regarding working on yourself. That will also make you a better parent.
Yeah I don't really follow her desire to find a man that makes "data driven choices" in his life and then talks about hypnotism and gives a lot of data about her failures in dating and doesn't see that the common denominator in all of this is her.
No offense OP - I don't know you and I'm not making a statement around you specifically, but more just the conclusions one could draw in general about a person that has posted the information you've posted. I wish you well.
i don't know if you can see it, but a sister comment here that has been flagged states:
Makes sense.
Since she had no father, I suggest the Mr.Right must be somebody not only husband but also the father, irrespective of his age, i.e.must be the image of father the little girl has - the smartest man on the earth, the strongest man on the earth, etc etc....
i can vouch for this 100%.
growing up with a single parent of the same gender does make you subconsciously look for that missing parent. and a part of the challenge is that you don't even know what you should be looking for, so you look for something that you imagine, but you most often end up with someone who is like the other parent that you do know.
> This probably sounds really arrogant, but I've long given up finding a man as smart as me:)
The smartest people I know think they're the dumbest person in the room. Your above response is very indicative of the kind of vibe you give to the men you date.
If you can't find a man who's as smart as you, that reflects on the pool of people you surround yourself with, not the intelligence of the men you can't find.
Your sort of thought will usually manifest itself in unconscious behaviour on dates, and will be a turn-off to the men you date. In the same way that many people can't detect the smell on their own bodies, you too likely won't know how abrasive your behaviour might be to others. I know a woman who has professed the same thoughts as you do (in a more humblebrag manner) and she has had extreme difficulties in finding a man to marry despite extreme efforts at such.
It is likely to be quite effective if you talked yourself back down to earth. If you permit the crude phrasing, your "value" in the "dating market" peaked 20-15 years ago and you are well past your prime. (Yes, yes, "individuals", "not generalisations", "blah blah", but you are talking statistics when you've gone out with 120 men already).
Upon reading your post, it appears highly likely you are overestimating how clever you are.
Also, do not forget that almost nobody seeks a long term relationship (of the "looking for a mate" kind) where they do not feel "needed".
Another factor to consider is that grandiosity is often a symptom of a deep unmet need from childhood.
I hope you learn the humility which is necessary to find what you are looking for. Good luck!
> This probably sounds really arrogant, but I’ve long given up finding a man as smart as me:)
That does sound really arrogant but I can understand it. It may be that at your core you believe you know what is right, and no one knows better. So you’ll never find someone that is as smart as you, because in your mind that meter is pegged at maximum.
But you still need someone you can respect. And remember that even if someone is not a smart as you in one way, they may be wiser and more capable in other ways that you can respect. Mutual respect is what is important in the end IMO.
If I'm right about running a startup, or something of that nature of leadership, you may want to consider looking for someone that's funny and interesting, rather than smart. If you look at your male counterparts who have found marriage success, I bet you will find plenty of un-equall 'intelligence', measured by their achievements anyway. But this doesn't make them bad partners, often it makes even better actually.
It's not too often you find doctor couples, that's all I'm saying.