Hey man, first of all get out of those suicidal thoughts , you're still young , you havent seen much, yeah life is hard , i agree , but life is more worth it, just think about your parents and loved ones , enough of it , coming to the advice revorad gave really good advice, you have just reached 20 , you got lot of life ahead of you. For now join a supermarket , if possible try joining some tech company even if its a small ,low paying job, it will help you pay your bills and being in the industry , you'll know what's going on in the market and you'll also improve your contacts.